My definition of success
I have been feeling down for the past couple of days. It is hard to do anything. I don't even like being awake. Wish I could just keep sleeping. Obviously, like any other person, I rotted away watching Instagram Reels and YouTube Shorts. Nothing feels important. I have so much work. In fact, I have so much work that I have to focus atleast 8-9hrs on it. But guess what, I am not able to work today. Thank god the last two days were weekends.
YouTube's algorithm somehow picked up the fact that I was feeling sad. Don't ask me how, even I got no clue, but as I was scrolling, I saw a video where the guy asked me to think about my definition of success, which will help me get over this feeling of being stuck and sad. So I was thinking, what makes me not like myself? Of course, I know what is making me sad, but this keeps happening every few weeks, at least once a week or once in two weeks. Why can't I get over this feeling? What is the root? I mean, his statement made sense. Define what success is to you, and you know what to do to keep yourself happy.
This is when I realised, over the past few months, my focus had shifted. No wonder I was feeling sad. I have always been this guy who likes learning new stuff, experimenting with things, building new things, and talking to people older than me so I can learn from them. But this has completely shifted to the amount of money I make. Since when did I start thinking like this? I never cared about money until recently. I think this shift is the reason for my constant worrying and sadness. I have finally understood what I want. What I really want. I just want to learn everything there is to learn. I want to see new things, experience new things. Why the hell did I get hungover on money? I am just dumb.
Does finding this now make me feel better? Slightly better, yes. But I still feel sad that I wasted a couple of days. It is fine. We will get better. Talking here is definitely helping. Aight, see y'all 👋👋